


A Fistful of Snowmen

by Draycevixen



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Christmas, Drabble Sequence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:19:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draycevixen/pseuds/Draycevixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I offered to write 12 Advent fics for mates. </p><p>Saintvic asked for: <i>Gene/Sam, suspicious snowmen.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saintvic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintvic/gifts).



The first one turned up in a box outside his front door. Sam almost stepped on it in his rush to get downstairs where Gene was leaning on the car horn. 

He opened the door again, ready to throw it on the table but curiosity got the better of him. 

Inside, was a large biscuit cut like a snowman. With Christmas a week away he would have assumed it was a gift from one of the old ladies he sometimes helped with their shopping. Would have, if the red icing smeared across its chest didn't look like multiple stab wounds.


	2. Chapter 2

The second boxed snowman was lying in the same spot two days later. This one had what looked like a garrotte around its neck made out of liquorice and bulging eyes to match. 

It didn't make any sense as a practical joke and the lads at the station favoured a less esoteric brand of humour. 

He could just imagine Gene's response to "Guv, I've been receiving threatening biscuits." 

He wondered, briefly, if they'd changed his medication again before dismissing the thought. No racing pulse, no night sweats, just biscuits in boxes. 

Perhaps they'd just been left outside the wrong door.


	3. Chapter 3

The third boxed snowman was waiting when he got home late from work the next day. Well, when he stumbled in drunk from the pub if he were being honest. 

He almost fell over picking it up and had to take a piss before opening the box. This time the snowman was brandishing an ornate caramel dagger. 

It wasn't until he woke up face down in the empty box and covered in crumbs that he realized he'd ate the snowman, dagger and all. He was lucky it hadn't been poisoned but then he didn't think he could die in 1973.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days passed happily snowman, if not biscuit, free as the station lurched its way toward Christmas. If he never saw another string of tinsel, tea mug full of whisky or sprig of weaponised mistletoe again he'd be a happy man. 

Until Christmas Eve, when he'd gone to pull some files and returned to a deserted CID to see yet another familiar box right in the middle of his desk. This snowman was wearing a green icing shirt and its head was covered in long yellow icing hair. It would have been cheery if it hadn't been decapitated.


	5. Chapter 5

Everything had turned a bit surreal after that. 

Frantic hammering on Gene's front door had led to Gene dragging him inside muttering "at bloody last" before backing him up against the wall and attempting to find Sam's tonsils with his tongue. 

Then he'd found Sam's cock with his clever mouth, Sam's prostate with his fingers and cock, taken a breather and a smoke break on the living room rug and then coaxed Sam into using his fingers and cock to find Gene's prostate. The rapt expression on Gene's face when he'd found it repeatedly was Sam's best Christmas present ever.


	6. Chapter 6

Once the blood started reaching his brain again, he followed Gene into the kitchen to warn him but there were more snowmen on the counter. 

" _You_ made them?"

"Course. Isn't that why you're here?"

"I thought they were threats."

"Threatening biscuits? You're more doolally than I thought."

"But the blood on the first one—"

"I may have crushed the box a bit. It had a red icing heart."

"And the garrotte?"

"A tie. Supposed to be a hint."

"The dagger?"

"Dagger? It was a Curly Wurly."

"But the last one had you decapitated!"

"I've lost my head over you, Sam."


End file.
